Friday, April 16, 2010

autism awareness month continued


My boys and I, sitting on my bed enjoying one another's company late 2005.


Me to Clee: Say mama. Ma. Ma. Say it... mama.

baby Andrew: Mmmmmama.

That was the first time Andrew said mama. My eyes swelled with tears. It was a bittersweet moment I had just shared with both of my boys.
Andrew gave me yet another reason to hold on tight to the glimmer of hope that he was free of autism. He spoke a word and used it properly. He was doing what any typical baby would do. I was so happy.
But soon after the happiness, came the sadness. My baby had just called me mama for the first time, but his older brother had yet to utter any word at all. The years of trying to get Clee to say mama, Andrew said it within months of his birth. Andrew's speech was progressing while Clee's speech was nonexistent.

I sat on that bed weeping because it was almost unbearable to imagine Clee not ever speaking. That's when I told myself I needed to stop being such a sulky wimp and take it like a woman. Excepting Clee the way he is will only bring peace and joy into our lives. Reduce the focus on the bad, and focus more on the good. I needed to focus more on the beauty of what I had just witnessed. My baby just called me mama. It was a wonderful feeling.

Whenever I think about the year 2005 I can't believe how much time I wasted on stressing and crying over autism. I want to go back in time and tell myself just to breath and everything will be okay. Now whenever I feel the pity train headed towards me, I tell myself what the Natalie in 2005 needed to hear, and surprisingly enough it helps most of the time. It also helps to know that the Natalie and Clee from 2005 survived and their future is bright and full of accomplishments. I'm their biggest fan.

4 comments:

Grandma Gerri said...

You have always been wise beyond your years, and you all have shown great progress. I am so proud of all of you. Love you.

Betsy said...

Awww. I can relate to this. Spencer and Harry will say "mom" when asked to, but it sounds like "bob" LOL! Alex still just smiles and nods when I ask him to say anything.

Meg said...

How did you get so dang smart? I need some lessons from you. Can you please move back to SLC!!! I can't wait until you get here to visit.

Tice said...

I love my Clemon. I hope if/when he learns to speak he doesn't tell us all how unintelligent we are.